I never write in here anymore. Seems i just dont have time. I work 40 hours a week in a job i don't really like. I spend every minute i can with Adam, and i'm trying to fit my friends in the mix too. I dont want to be one of those couples who are always together And really, we're not. We spend a few hours together a day. Just we seem to pretty much every day we can. Even if it's just lying around watching tv.
I hate my job right now. Looking on job sites, even if i'm only half convinced i would leave.
I havent written properly in ages. Maybe it's about time.
I'm starting to like my job a bit better, i know what im doing and i enjoy it, most the time. The only shit thing is the hours. And the journey time, and the petrol it's using. But other than that it's good. I can sell glasses, put lens orders through, pre screen patients, and im good at it.
I got a new car as well, a honda civic, i posted pics before. I love it, it's a much better ride then the Yaris. It's the kind of car that whe im driving to work, i can see all these men in vans looking down and smirking, at the little girl in the civic. But when i speed off from them quicker, its a good feeling!
Then there's Adam. He's back at Asda now, it was his first day today. And i know he was dreading it. He was at mine telling me how much he hates the thought of being back there, but it's better than being on the dole. He has to wear a bright pink cap and sash. He had asked me not to go into Asda, because he doesnt want me to see him, but i couldnt help going in and spying on him, but he nearly caught me and Aimee so we had to leave.
Everything is ticking on ok with us. It's been 5 months, 1 week. I'm still crazy about him, even though he irritates me a lot at times. We havent mentioned love, apart from the drunk incident on bank holiday. I want to tell him so much that i do love him. It sounds stupid but i'm afraid of being the one to say it first, incase i get rejected. We talk about future stuff, like, hyperthetically, if we were to get a house...., and , i want to go to brazil, but i dont know if it would be safe for you..... Then theres the baby talk, about how no way no how atm. It would wreck our future and everything. And he's right. I spent time with Aimee and her baby today, and it's just nice to hand back Izzy when she's crying. There was a time when i got a little bit maternal, thought, it would be quite nice, but now i know better. Besides, Adam makes sure theres absolutely no way i could get pregnant anyway.
1 month 2 days until i go to Majorca with Andrew, and i can't wait!
So Aimee has had her baby... A little girl...Isabella Grace McKenna. 5lb 1 once. She's tiny. And gorgeous. Born at 7am this morning, i was getting texts and a photo sent at 7:25. I can't wait to see her. Photo's soon.
Today at the metro centre an absolutely gorgeous guy started talking to me in the que for the cash machine. I'm kicking myself for not asking for his number. But it did give me a confidence boost, which i've needed lately, because i've been feeling like a complete failure when it comes to guys. It's like, all i've been able to feel for ages is that i'm good enough to have a bit fun with, but nothing else. Nto god enough for a relationship. So thats why i let myself be used by Shaun, because i thought that was all i was worth anyway. It sounds stupid typed, or said. But i know what i mean.
So yeah. I'm feeling a bit better about myself. This guy gave me an ego boost.
'Saggitarius- Wishes really can come true Sagitarius! Neptune is casting a special spell, where anything is possible. Write down ideas- at a deep level you're tapping into something important. As honesty grows, many relationships will reach new levels of intensity. Deep feelings or difficult topics could be discussed. Trust your lucky stars!'
Seems a little ironic. Shame i think horoscopes are bullshit. One horoscope for 1/12 of the population. I dont think so.
Step one you say we need to talk He walks you say sit down it's just a talk He smiles politely back at you You stare politely right on through Some sort of window to your right As he goes left and you stay right Between the lines of fear and blame And you begin to wonder why you came
So my boss Gavin told me he's leaving. His last day is thursday. I know we'd been trying to drive him out, but this felt like a hollow victory for me. Today he was actually human. He seemed....defeatest. Like Tracy said we needed help, and told him to go do the tables, and he stood there saying...but i dont want to...in a really...child like way. But he seemed so down. I know the job hasnt been easy for him, but then again it would have been better if he were nicer to us. I guess when it comes down to it, he is only 26. He might have been a McDonalds manager, but he didnt have the experience for a super market. He was out of his depth, and i think he knew it.
When he told me i stood there and was like, but who will i go to to quit.... I told him i was leaving, and he said its the best thing for me, to get out while i can. I said i really hated the place, and he just stood there saying 'me too'. He was being nice, talking to me in a way that he hadnt done all year. Like he was a friend, or a colleague, not my manager.
I never thought i'd say it, but i think i'll miss him.
Julie's exstatic. Said she nearly cried with happiness.
I've warned Shaun on sat i will probably be really angry and on edge again, then no doubt cry. He was like, cry...again? Ahh i love how awkward he is around crying girls. I really do like him. And after sat he was just so lovely. Like, me and him have set unspoken rules, like we only kiss when we know we're alone, we dont do it in public or anything like that. Especially not when i take him home because i drop him off around the corner from his house, and anyone could see. Yet he knew i was upset, and when i stopped the car, he kissed me, which was nice. He's also trying to put me off smoking, which i seem to have been doing this past week at work. Just since Andrew gave me one after a stressful day, and he was right, it helped, so now when i'm stressed, i'll go for a tab with them. But he was like, i thought you werent going to do that anymore? And telling me it's wierd seeing me smoking and stuff. So yeah, he's trying to discourage me. Which is good. I'm not takig up smoking, it's just been this week, it's helped. Hopefully, with not being at work all the timne now i wont need to do it.
Our restaurant is screwed. We have no manager. Janet is leaving, Dean is leaving. Lindsay's applied for a new job, Traceys applying for a new job, JJ is applying for a new job, Shauns looking for a new job, i'm leaving, Amie is pregnant, so it's only a matter of time. Soon there'll be no-one left.
Things are strange at work. Apparently morale is low.
People are saying things about other people behind their backs, and it's getting to the stage where you don't know what you can say around certain people. I was on my break with Robyn today, and she was saying Janet and Lindsay have been talking about her behind her back, and she's sick of it there and is looking for a new job. She was nearly crying when she left. I'm gutted, and a bit pissed off because i've got quite close to Robyn now, and i don't want her to leave. It pisses me off that people are talking about her, but you can't confront them, because Janet is the second in command, kind of thing. When Gavin's not there, she's in charge.
I told Gavin about wanting unpaid leave in September, he said we'll sort it out. Whether or not that means i'll get it, i don't know. He said when i start uni he'll sort my hours out so i'm not working monday.
My hours have also kind of charged. Instead of working 1-6 on a sat, i'm not 1-9. I'm also doing over time tommorow and monday. Tommorow i'm in 8:30-5. Then monday i'm in 8-5. I'll be half dead by tuesday. Lots of early nights for me.
And Gavin's kicking off. Shaun didn't turn up today. He's meant to start at 5, he didnt turn up. Tony said he's probably just late, couldnt get a bus with it being the air show or something. So it rolled round to 6, he still didnt turn up. Didnt phone in either. So i said if Tony needed me, i'd stay til 7 so they could get the breaks sorted, since it would only be him and Dean. Tony phoned Gavin to tell him, but Gavin said he'd phone Shaun first to see whats going on. But he couldnt get in touch. Tony said he better be in hospital. I was stood there thinking, am i the only one worried here? He told me on monday he's been having chest pains, and had a doctors and a hospital appointment for it. So now i'm worried about him. If he wasnt going to turn up he would have phoned. Gavin's annoyed because they had to shut the restaurant at 7 and theres about £100 worth of waste.
I wonder if he'll be in tommorow, i hope so. I hope Gavin's in as well. I'm going to ask him if since i now work 1-9 on sat, can i start at 2 instead. Would work out better for them really.
Apparently everyone at work now thinks me and Shaun are having sex.
Just because theres a sponsor sheet up on the wall, saying about how this guy needs a prosthetic limb, and its going to cost £20, 000, and Shauns getting his legs and chest waxed to raise money for it. Everyone whos sponsored him have for like £2, but i figured, i have money, i have all my limbs, so i sponsored him for £4.
About 5:45 he comes up to me and says 'Thanks for sponsoring me £4. Everyone thinks we're having sex now.'
Reading that it sounds like he said it in a nasty way, but he didnt. But apparently they do.
Yaaaaaay i'm off on monday, ANNNND all next week!!!! First weekend off since i started!!
Lit went up from a U to a C Psych went up from a D to a B Media stayed the saem (a D)
Rather pleased, and totally expected the media one, because i hadnt revised at all for newspapers, just moving image. Still, my overall grade was a B anyway soo not to worry.
Gavin was really nice to me at work today, think he must have realised he did actually promise me the day off. Bastard.
I was also told really good news today, but cant tell anyone yet.
I've been stood up, and i'm actually rather pissed off about it.
We were meant to be going out on tuesday, but he said he had karate practise for the competition (i think his girlfriend had basically wanted to do something) so he said can we meet thursday. So i sat, and waited 20 minutes. He didnt show, so i came to college.
I'm going to give him the silent treatment at the weekend, only talk to him when i need to, rather than just standing having a chat and messing around.
Grrr. It's not even as if i wanted anything to happen, i just dont like bieng stood up.
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emma_strange's journal
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